Some of you may be wondering how it feels to be daily setting Cru's record for the longest visa delay. I could turn the question around and ask how it feels while you are waiting for Christ's second coming, but that isn't a direct answer--though hopefully it is convicting.
What's a more immediate illustration of what being in visa limbo feels like? Here are a few snapshots from today:
It's having two of my pastor's adorable little daughters sitting in my lap, playing with my shirt and offering me Play-Doh cookies, then remembering that I can't commit to doing kid's ministry because I could be gone any Sunday now.
It's overhearing the Christmas choir practicing in the sanctuary and wanting to join them, but knowing that I can't when Incarnation Day outreaches are perhaps the year's biggest assignment for my Tokyo team.
It's being somewhat embarrassed to admit to a friend that I don't have solid Thanksgiving plans, and probably won't be able to say for such if I'll be there until a week prior (and not 100% even then).
It's having to ask another friend for their car keys so I can drive someone needing a ride to the BART station, because I've divested myself of the automobile.
It's seeing planning happen for various long-term ministries and wanting to be part of things beyond prayer, but learning to say 'no.'
In short, it's a waxing & waning form of tension. Thanks to the dear friends & family I have in Oakland, Granite Bay, Auburn and Sacramento, it has been much more bearable than in the first few weeks. When deep in conversation with them, I almost forget that I'm 'supposed' to be somewhere else.
It is truly odd to hope almost against hope that you won't see your 'til-now favorite people in the world and make memories with them during the holidays. What makes it less odd is remembering that God is in control and His Fatherly care & timing are best. And because of His Lordship in all things, I am truly supposed to be here for now--my desires notwithstanding. They need to learn to yield to Him in faith, and His promises will hold true at last.
Goodbye, WordPress!
13 years ago
2 comments:
if you're still here you can hang out with betty for thanksgiving!!
My experiences are almost identical:
- I'm on a week-by-week basis with my toddler Sunday School class and I make sure to get hugs all around when they leave just in case.
- I've been asked to participate in the Christmas program skit...
- I'm avoiding all Thanksgiving talk, but we host it every year so I don't have to make plans.
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